Gracenotes

I see a lot of balance in my life. Every day seems to wobble with little joys and setbacks, but ultimately reaches stability.
Today was full of wobbles.
In tap we prepared our routine for our upcoming test, and I struggled to keep my hands from flapping awkwardly and my face from becoming a mask of concentration. This made me anxious and overconcious and prone to silly mistakes, which are not easily masked in tap.
In tap I built up a growing friendship.

I tried to go to devotional, but there wasn't one. The girl I went with left me sitting alone.
They played an old devotional from 1994, and I felt inspired.

I took my American Heritage test today. I was really nervous. I got an 82%
That was worse than I wanted but better than I probably deserved. I'm so grateful for the help of my Heavenly Father with my studies.

I went for a very long exploring walk today.
I gained a few blisters.
I shed a few worries.
I found peace.

I tried to go to the temple today, but it was closed.
Instead, I had a scintillating conversation with a new friend.

It really made me think.
And I am grateful.

I am grateful for the people who have been sent into my life.
I am grateful for my opportunities, for my talents, and for my time.
I am grateful for a loving Father who knows what I need even as I whine to Him about what I want.

So are you guys, like, best friends?

The answer to this question, suprisingly, is no.
We're not best friends.
We're something better.

Carissa was the first person I met when I moved to San Diego. She has been a part of my life ever since. We have so many inside jokes, it almost feels like another language, and I can be myself around her. We were always friends, but never Best Friends. She wasn't the first person I would call when I wanted to hang out. I didn't gush to her about everything going on in my life. I probably took her for granted a lot, but she was always there.

Sometimes she was the only one there.

When we went on the East Coast Trip, we ended up as roomates. We didn't really plan on it, but we both signed up late and decided to go together. That's pretty much what happened with college. We didn't even consider rooming together for the longest time.
I'm so glad we did, though.

College has been a bit of a shock for me. It's not what I expected, but it's what I needed. The same could be said for rooming with Carissa.

I expected midnight gigglefests and secret sharing. I expected long talks. I expected deep philosophical conversations that shifted our paradigms.
There has been some of those moments, but they have not been the most important moments.
That has never been the basis of our relationship.


I don't have to pretend for her. I don't have to act like I have everything together. I can fall apart in front of her and she still loves me.
I struggle to show her that I appreciate her. I often express how glad I am that we decided to room together, but the sentiment is probably drowned out by other words. I talk a lot more than I listen. I complain and I rant and I whine.

I treat her like I take her for granted.

I hope she knows I don't.
I hope she knows that there isn't anyone else in the world who I would rather room with this year.
I hope she knows that I think she is one of the strongest, most grounded girls I know.
I hope she knows that I look up to her.
I hope she knows that I love her.