Today at the fair this woman was telling me how she loves going to this restaurant and ordering bubbles and squeak, which is a stew made from odds and ends and leftovers.
This post is made up off odds and ends and leftovers.
I hope they manage to come together and form something substantial.
I feel like I am happiest when I am gathering anecdotes.
I guess euphemistically I could call this Going On Adventures or Making Memories, but I love the storytelling almost as much as the adventure itself. I love how, as you tell a story, you are totally in control of creating this world. Without lying or exaggerating, you can make a story intense or boring, monumental or forgetable. It is an artform that takes courage.
I always feel guilty monopolizing conversations, and cut my stories short.
I wouldn't want to bore anyone.
Also sometimes I see talking to people as just a practice run for the real thing. Every time I tell a story it gets a little clearer in my own head. Details are removed or inserted to edit or clarify. Even when I rant and argue now, I'm creating ruts in my neurological pathways that I hope to easily access again when the topic returns.
Anybody else feel the same way?
My mother says I have an attachment disorder. I think she may be right.
My sister takes a long time to love someone, but when she does, it lasts a long time. She still has her Cuppy that she used to drag around everywhere. When I was little, since I've always looked up to her, I tried my best to emulate her. Time after time I would promise myself and whoever happened to be listening that this stuffed animal would be my best friend, my Cuppy, and that I would take it everywhere. Fifteen minutes later, the bear [or dog or lamb or bunny...] would be nowhere in sight. But for those fifteen minutes, I loved that stuffed animal with all my heart.
I do the same thing with friends, sadly. I get distracted. New friends are so interesting and fresh and intriguing, and I forget. Luckily, I have friends who, unlike my poor stuffed animals, pick themselves up and come looking for me.
I don't know why I'm so blessed to have met the amazing people who love me even when it's not easy to love me.
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Oh dear sister, I wouldn't say it's a disorder; you just have a different kind of love. There are pros and cons to both types of love, but both are pleasing unto God.
ReplyDeleteBecause I take so long to open up and trust people, sometimes I miss out on friendships that could have been good. I've always admired how you are able to relate with people so quickly, and I've tried to take some of that into my own style of loving.
Sometimes people want to let go of relationships when I do not. That's the situation I've found myself in most recently. I've felt obligated to still try to be this person's friend, but whenever I make an effort to reach out, I feel like they don't want me there. I'm trying to remember that it's OK for me to let go end the attachment.
There are many different types of loving. We need each of them to create a complete, happy, balanced world. Your way is different from mine, but it is not inherently bad. We all need to temper ourselves a little bit, but embrace who you are. Learn to use your personality for good.
And based on your blog and the way you live, I think you already do.
Megan I like what Tasha said. I don't she would have labeled you with a personality trait like attachment disorder. I think she should be your mom and I should be your sister. She is much more mature than I am. I love you. I think you are adorable and perfect the way you are. Sorry if I have damaged you in any way. :)
ReplyDeleteI've always wondered what exactly goes on within the wall of your skull. You've always been a mystery to me, and I think you prefer it that way. You are beautiful, but so complicated that even if you did tell me everything that you could possibly think, I still doubt my ability to understand you. You astound me. In a good way.
ReplyDelete...Sometimes I wonder, though, if you want me to follow, or watch you leave. Or if I'd even really be considered a friend anymore...